“If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” - Author Unknown A sorcerer anticipates and fully accepts the outcome of his spell. He accepts it naturally, much like the way we “accept” the air in our bodies when we breathe. In the same manner, you should also accept the outcome, the realization of your goal – even before it actually happens. Accept it to be true. Claim it as yours already. Now, you may ask, “Isn’t that supposed to be easy? Isn’t it natural to accept when it’s a good thing that’s coming to you?” Ideally, it is supposed to be easy and very natural, like the analogy I gave earlier of “accepting” the air we breathe. Unfortunately, this is not always true. Some people actually find it hard to accept good things in life as they are experiencing negative emotions that block the flow of good things to them. When people feel low self-esteem, resentment, fear or guilt, it is difficult for them to receive from the universe. Some people have been used to living in lack and hardships. This is usually a sign of a poor self-image or a lack of self-esteem wherein they consciously – or unconsciously – feel they do not deserve good things in life. Worse, some may actually sabotage their own dreams – usually unconsciously. They may already be close to their goal when they suddenly do something that will take them away from it. Such feelings of unworthiness usually spring from childhood and may come in the form of trauma from a single event or repeated events, at home or at school. The trauma may have a lasting impact on thought patterns, self-image and behavior even in adulthood. To check if you are capable of accepting the outcome of your goal, ask yourself “Am I willing to receive this fully?” Are you in a light, happy mood whenever you think about your goal, visualize it, and imagine its outcome? Or do you get knots in your stomach, however fleeting? Do you sometimes feel – even briefly – that you don’t deserve the outcome when you visualize it? Do you feel guilt? If you do find out that a part of you feels you don’t deserve the outcome of your goal, honestly ask yourself why. If this triggers a painful childhood memory, just allow the memory and the feeling to enter you and don’t fight it. Should you feel that you need help sorting out your feelings and memories in order to heal your past, though, seek guidance from a trained counselor you can trust. As you remember that memory, you can close your eyes and acknowledge it in your mind. Address it and say “You have hurt me before and I have carried you for a long time. But I will leave you now. You no longer have any power over me.” Imagine walking away, feeling lighter and lighter with each step. Another exercise you can do to heal your past is the “unloading exercise.” Close your eyes and imagine that you are carrying several heavy bags and loads of many kinds. (You can also do this in reality). Assign each bag or load to represent a painful memory in your past. Now put the bags down, one by one, and feel yourself getting lighter and lighter. After you have put all your bags down, walk away. Now, to replace all the negative feelings associated with these painful memories with positive ones that boost your self-image, make affirmations about your worth every day, ideally upon waking up and before going to bed. Examples are:
To give your affirmations more impact, you can also do this in the second and third person - “Jane, you deserve the best in life” or “Jane deserves the best in life.” Phrasing affirmations this way are particularly powerful as the negative words that undermine your self-worth usually come from other people, either directly addressed to you or overheard. You can reinforce these positive feelings with a self-appreciation exercise: Close your eyes, take deep breaths until you fully relax then picture a person close to you talking to you and telling everything they like about you. Even if you feel embarrassed, try to call to mind truthfully what this person would say to you. After they are finished, reverse roles. Assume the identity of the other person, and while you are telling yourself what you appreciate, feel the feelings of warmth and appreciation this person close to you has while talking to you. See yourself through their eyes. Notice how you feel. Even though you may have suffered for years from poor self-worth, rest assured that continuous daily affirmations and regular appreciation exercises can counterbalance all those. And each time you catch yourself thinking badly of yourself, say the opposite (e.g. I am not good enough I am more than good enough!). You can also recite one of your daily affirmations. As you build up your self-image, you are also building up your mind power to make your dreams come true. Usually related to low self-esteem, fear is another block that can stop your dreams from materializing. This is usually a fear of what will happen when your dreams have materialized. You may be fearing some negative things happening as a result of achieving what you want. Usually what people fear is more responsibilities and obligations (e.g. Having more money means more relatives will keep borrowing money from me) or how people will react to them (e.g. What if my friends become jealous?). You can also have fearful thoughts while on the way to achieving your goals. Fearful thoughts usually magnify the expected result. The bad news, though, is if you focus on fear, then you will get more of it or what you fear might actually happen. Remember, you create your reality with your thoughts. So if you find yourself thinking along the lines of the examples given above, face your fears head-on. When you feel fear, do not resist it. Just allow yourself to feel it. Then ask yourself “Why I am afraid?” You can apply the “laddering” technique here, where you ask one question after the other. So you start with “Why I am afraid?” The answer may be, taking the example from above, “Having more money means more relatives will keep borrowing money from me.” Then ask yourself “Why am I afraid that my relatives will keep borrowing money from me?” The answer to that may be “Because I cannot say no” Then, “Why do I have a hard time saying no?”, the answer to which may be a painful “Because I hate it when I displease other people. I would rather be hurt than hurt others.” Asking questions will help pinpoint the main cause. And once you know what’s causing the fear, you can face it. In this case, the root is connected to low self-esteem, which may be addressed with the earlier exercises. Aside from the “laddering” exercise, face your fear by asking yourself: “Realistically, just how bad will the result be?” Again, as previously mentioned, when we fear, we tend to make the big bigger and the scary scarier. Maybe it is not actually as bad as you think. By doing these, you see your fears from a more realistic perspective and their power over you is considerably diminished. Remember to affirm once you have finished putting your fears in perspective so the negative feeling of fear is replaced by positive energy. Another emotion that can prevent you from accepting the realization of your goals or of good things in general is resentment. As resentment is a negative feeling and is accompanied by negative thoughts, your power to create good things in your life is significantly diminished. It is you, not the person you resent, who suffers. Actor, writer and politician Malachy McCourt summed it up well: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Search your feelings - is there anyone you bear a grudge against or have not forgiven? Be honest. After you have identified the person or persons against whom you still have ill feelings, you can now start throwing away your resentment in order to fully accept the good things in life. This is what you can do - write a letter pouring out all your feelings to the person. Do not hold back. Write everything - do not leave anything out. After writing, throw away your letter or tear it up. Close your eyes and imagine the person in front of you. Tell that person: “You have caused me a lot of pain. But I am also causing myself pain by not forgiving you. Now I am letting you go. I forgive you.” Slowly walk away from that person. A variation of this exercise would be to imagine the person in front of you from the very start with you pouring out all your feelings towards them. After unloading your emotions, take several deep breaths before acknowledging the pain you also inflict on yourself and say you now forgive them. On the other hand, if you are the one who hurt someone or did someone wrong and you have not settled things with the person, your guilt also gets in the way of your receiving good from the universe. Talk with the person and apologize to them as soon as you can - even if they do not forgive you immediately, at least you can start letting go of your guilt. Believe that you can heal relations with that person. In case you have lost all possible ways of communicating with the person or if the person has already passed away, you can do this short exercise to ask for forgiveness: Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes and breathe slowly and deeply. Imagine the person standing before you and find the words to make that person feel how sorry you are. Eventually see that person smiling and saying “I forgive you.” Rid yourself of all negative feelings that weigh you down and fill yourself up with positive ones. With this new disposition, you can fully accept all the good that will come to you. |
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