How To Find True Happiness
	How To Achieve Happiness In Unfortunate Situations <  Previous Contents Next  >

Certain situations present big challenges for us. These are situations when most people have difficulty in finding joy and happiness. These situations include loss and grief, trials in life, troubled relationships, solitary life, and old age. Can we really find happiness in these?

Indeed, one of the most painful things in life is losing a loved one. Most, if not all, would rather avoid going through it. Losing a job or a relationship cannot be more painful than losing someone we love. The loss of a loved one is indeed a source of unhappiness and can result to a range of emotions that include sadness, grief, and uncertainty.

As these feelings sink in, harsh realities would confront the survivors. Death in the family can be emotionally draining. It can also put a strain on savings and finances especially if the deceased had a protracted bout with a fatal disease. Piled up hospital bills, doctors’ fees, and skyrocketing cost of medication and funeral expenses could easily upset a family’s financial standing.

Death in the family also entails major adjustments and adaptation in roles and in daily activities. It is a life-changing event that requires the bereaved to pick up the pieces and go on with life. Dealing with loss and grief could be very trying indeed. To overcome grief, we have to find ways that will best work for us.

1. Realize that time heals all wounds. It may take some time before the pain goes away; but eventually, it will subside.

2. Express and share grief. Talking to someone, a friend or a loved one, is one of the proven strategies for coping up with grief. In releasing our emotions, we are actually unloading the excessive burden we may be harboring inside us.

3. Accept the fact that death is inevitable. However painful it is, we must face the truth that everyone must die some day. No one is exempt from it.

4. Move on. Grieving is a natural reaction to death of a loved one. In fact, the grieving process is necessary in order to release the pain and hurt we feel inside. However, we cannot just focus on our loss and shut everything out. We must learn to count our blessings and try to move on with our lives.

5. Gain a new perspective. From a human point of view, a person may feel guilty from that loss. He may think that he could have done more to prevent the loss. On the other hand, if we will just look at things from a divine perspective, we would realize that everything happens for a reason. Death may be a respite for a relative who has suffered long enough from an incurable disease. Death finally puts an end to unbearable pain and sufferings brought about by an illness.

6. Consider seeking professional help. Doctors may prescribe some form of antidepressants, especially if the state of grief is prolonged and unrelenting.

Life is full of trials. For every trial that we go through in life, our faith, patience, and strength are tested. We may encounter some hardships, but we can always choose to fight challenges and face it with hope and conviction.

Trials are part of life. We simply cannot evade them; but if handled well, they can strengthen us, build our character, and strengthen our faith. Therefore, we should try to face them as courageously as we can. We should never give up or lose hope when nothing seems right. As with all other barriers to happiness, we must do everything possible to overcome trials that come our way.

Relationship gone sour is another cause of unhappiness. Problematic marital and family relationships impinge on our ability to enjoy almost anything. Individual differences and lack of communication and quality time together are some of the identified causes of relationship break-ups. However, the following are ways to patch things up and improve relationships:

1. Find a place where both parties can be alone and have a conversation. This way, both parties can discuss things without interruptions and distractions like TV or radio. Agree that the conversation will focus only on the issues concerned.

2. Refrain from verbal outbursts. Refrain from yelling or the civil conversation will lead to a shouting bout! Do not interrupt while the other person is talking. We must allow the other person to finish his or her piece before we give ours.

3. Avoid labeling or calling names. Personal attacks will only worsen the situation. We must be extremely careful with what we say. Do away with words that may hurt or put the other party down.

4. Discuss the problem rationally. We must learn to negotiate and compromise on things we want from one another.

5. Focus on re-building the relationship. This is especially true for married couples. Spend quality time together. Find time to do something together – like activities or sports.

6. We must let them know what we want or expect from them. In doing this, we must not demand our partner to change in order to meet our expectations. Focus on the other party’s positive qualities rather than the negatives.

7. Give and graciously receive adequate support. This will help the relationship to survive and flourish.

8. Consider all possible options before deciding on one solution to the problem. However, never consider separation or divorce as an option.

9. Learn to forgive and forget. Give the relationship another chance.

Leading a solo life can be very lonely. It is important to have someone to talk and relate to. It is always nice to have someone lending an ear to what we have to say. Unhappiness stems from not being able to share happenings in our life with others. In this case, we should keep in close touch with relatives and a small circle of friends and be prepared to give and receive love and support.

Robert Louis Stevenson advises people living alone to have many interests. This will enable us to meet new people. Furthermore, he tells people to keep busy at something, “A busy person never has time to be unhappy.”

In addition, the following tips can be considered:

1. Flex the mental muscles. To avoid stagnation, we can attend seminars on different subjects.

2. Travel and seek new places. We should go out and travel to places we have never seen before. If we can afford it, we can take regular holidays in different countries and savor different cultures. One fascinating country is Bhutan. This remote Himalayan kingdom earned the distinction of being “the only country in the world which puts happiness at the heart of government policy.”

3. Be adventurous. We can do something we have never done before, like visiting a particular art gallery or going to a ballet or pick new books. This will make our lives interesting and exciting.

4. Invest in relationships. Surrounding ourselves with supportive family and friends is one step leading to happiness. Understanding this encourages us to invest our time and energy in developing, enhancing, and maintaining close friendships and many acquaintances.

Some people lose their will to live when they start to see and feel the first signs of aging. They think they can no longer do the things they used to do when they were younger. Like all others previously discussed, this negative thought is all in the mind. To make our mature years happy and productive, consider the following tips:

1. Maintain a positive attitude. An elderly person who maintains a positive attitude in life is more likely to cope with any physical difficulty or limitation related to aging. Be productive members of society. Have a purpose in life - a reason to live! Stop entertaining negative thoughts such as “I’m already old, I only have a few years to live”; “I’m old that’s why I’m sickly”, etc.

2. Stay active and eat well. Instead of sitting around waiting to die, make the remaining years fruitful and rewarding by developing a hobby, traveling, or simply doing worthwhile activities. It has been estimated that 90% of age-related diseases are in fact, largely attributable to poor nutrition and lack of exercise. Therefore, maintaining a healthy body through exercise and nutrition is the best way to always be “alive and kicking”.

3. Be watchful and cautious. There is a saying that “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound or cure”. This is especially true when it comes to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Elderly people should always be extra cautious for disorders related to aging such as depression, anxiety, senility, drug dependency, immobility, etc. When the first symptoms appear, address these before these get worse. Seek medical help so the doctor can prescribe the proper medication.

4. Nothing beats preparation. Roger Darlington states, “It is never too young to start planning our retirement. Regularly increase your mortgage repayments and pension contributions - this is a sensible use of the money you don't need for current expenditure and it will increase your longer-term and comfortable lifestyle options.”

Indeed, the situations enumerated above are regrettable. Should these provide us the perfect excuse to wallow in unhappiness? When confronted with such situations, keep in mind that we can still make the best of our circumstances. Robert Louis Stevenson said, “No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.”

When all else fails, let us remember that we still have a Universal Force/God whom we can ask for help. He is a great comfort in times of crisis, a source of strength and inner peace. Without peace, there can be no happiness.

Third key to happiness: Attitude, attitude, attitude! How we react and deal with life’s challenges spell the difference between happiness and misery.