How To Find True Happiness
	Blueprint For Overcoming Barriers To Real Happiness <  Previous Contents Next  >

Everything, either good or bad, happens for a reason. Therefore, we should be thankful of the good things. More importantly, we should learn to accept and cope with the bad things that happen in life. Barriers to happiness are factors that cause unhappiness to most people. Among these barriers are the following:

At some point in life, we have felt discouraged. Everyday stresses and pressures can easily drain our strength and make us throw our hands up to surrender. Instead of giving in to discouragements, we can consider the following tips to overcome them:

1. Do not stop too soon. We get easily discouraged if something does not turn out the way we want it to be. We have to be patient. Without patience, life can be extremely frustrating. Likewise, we should be persistent. If at first we do not succeed, let us try another approach until we reach our goal.

2. Turn failures into something positive. Failures are part of life. It may hurt at first, but we must keep in mind that there are lessons to be learned in all failures. We must never let failures bring us down. Instead, we must use these as opportunities to rise up and emerge as better persons.

3. Do not be frustrated by negative circumstances and people. If we know how to take praises and compliments, we must also learn to take criticisms, be it constructive or destructive. We must never let negative words spoken by other people discourage or defeat us. We know ourselves better than anyone else does. Focus on what we know is true, that is, we have the capacity to pursue happiness and fulfillment.

4. Never think or say, “I can’t.” If we keep on thinking that we cannot do a particular task, chances are, we will never be able to do it. Many people never discover their true potential because they are too afraid to try. All we have to do is believe in ourselves.

5. Be determined and persevering. We have to be persistent and enduring to be able to reach our potential. These are the most important factors in overcoming disappointments.

Rage or anger is a strong feeling of displeasure. It is an uncontrolled emotion when we feel hurt or aggrieved. If not handled appropriately, it can cause unhappiness. We should deal with anger quickly before it turns into bitterness and hatred.

First, we should determine the cause of our rage. After that, we may consider sharing our emotions with a friend or counselor. Do not keep anger bottled up within; we will feel better just by talking about it and having someone listen to what we have to say.

Another way to deal with rage is by simply asking for help. We can ask help from people around us. Other people deal with anger by seeking help from the Universe/God. They seek assistance to be able to imbibe the virtue of humility to be able to forgive the people who have wronged them.

We must realize that none of us is perfect. We are bound to commit mistakes at one point in our lives. Forgiveness is a virtue. It is a reward for an honest healing process. Letting go of any resentment and grudge pulls us away from loneliness.

The act of forgiveness allows us to get rid of excess emotional baggage that may have been holding us back and weighing us down. Indeed, forgiveness is a priceless virtue that can only be realized through an honest reconciliation with one’s past and a genuine openness to welcome life anew.

Worry is one component of anxiety, which is the broader term used to describe internal restlessness. Stress is a physical, mental, or emotional factor that causes tension. When left unchecked, these three may result to a more serious disorder.

To overcome these three barriers to happiness, we may consider the following:

1. Change our outlook in life. We should always have a positive attitude. Reading the scriptures and uplifting books may alter our perception in life since these materials are full of inspiring verses that will surely lift our spirits and encourage us to fight our way through life.

2. Initiate some changes in lifestyle. Start small. Small and meaningful changes can cure boredom and burnout that can cause stress and anxiety. Small changes provide a fresh perspective or outlook. We can change the route going to the office or start to eat at different dining places or meet new officemates from other department. We can also go on vacation to give ourselves a break.

3. Get enough sleep. Adults are advised to get 6-8 hours of sleep. When we are sleeping, our mind and body get their much-needed rest. Worries, anxiety, and stress can keep us awake; and lack of sleep results to restlessness. If sleepless nights persist, consult a doctor right away. Since worry, anxiety, stress, and insomnia often co-exist, anti-anxiety drugs as prescribed by the doctor may help.

4. Have adequate exercise and relaxation. Like sleep, exercise and relaxation also release chemicals that help decrease anxiety. They free our minds from all worries and cares in life.

5. Live each day as it comes. We must leave the past behind, not worry too much about the future, and focus on the present. Yesterday is past and gone forever. Tomorrow is yet to come and no one knows what it holds for us. What matters is today because we can live only at the present time.

6. Listen to relaxing music. Some types of music have a calming and soothing effect on our minds and soul. Listening may help us take our minds off things. A variation of this is to surround ourselves with pleasant smells. This can be achieved by having fresh flowers, potpourri, or scented candles in most rooms of the house or office.

7. Consider medications and counseling. Seeking professional help can change our lives completely. A physician can prescribe medications for relief and a counselor can offer encouragement and support.

Envy stems from dissatisfaction. Envious people feel that they are getting a raw deal and that others are much better off than they are. Envy can make us go for unachievable goals for ourselves as we keep our focus on what others have instead of appreciating what we have.

Jealousy, on the other hand, is another source of dissatisfaction and one form of “self-torture.” Having low self-esteem causes envy and jealousy. These can only be resolved when we trust and believe in ourselves. Moreover, we should be appreciative of our blessings in life. Self-motivation guru Wayne Dyer said, “Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”

Pessimism is synonymous with skepticism. Observe skeptics. They always anticipate negative events and often, this thought paralyzes them from taking action. Benjamin Disraeli once shared, “Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”

Pessimistic persons are extremely cautious that they hold back from enjoying a normal life or achieving their objectives. Pessimism starts with negative thoughts.

Counteract pessimism by being optimistic. As we become more optimistic, we become happier. The age-old question on whether our glasses are half full or half empty relates to optimism. Optimistic people always hope for the best and expect that things will turn out well.

Overcome pessimism by having the discipline to look at the good side, the will to improve, and conviction that recovery is possible by following certain guidelines.

These guidelines are:

1. Have strong faith. Trusting a power greater than us may be helpful to see the brighter side of things. We must revitalize our spirituality and faith in Universal Power.

2. Surround ourselves with optimistic friends. Listening and opening ourselves to positive ideas about life may help jumpstart a change in attitude and point of view.

3. Cultivate an open mind. Understanding that there is some value in criticism may help us open our eyes to the fact that happiness in life is worth pursuing.

4. Do a self-assessment of our behavior. We start by comparing our behavior with that of our family members, co-workers, and friends. Learn to objectively identify productive and healthy behaviors. Decide to have more of this type of behavior. We must realize that pessimism affects our capacity to feel happy emotions to the fullest.

5. Seek empowerment. We should learn to focus on our goals and the things that we want in life. We must constantly tell ourselves that we can succeed. Never let other people drag us to negativity and pessimism.

Whatever barrier comes our way, always remember that for every problem, there is a solution and we keep forgetting that the solution is in our hands. It is all up to us to decide how to deal with it. Bear in mind that we have complete control of our lives - our feelings, thoughts, behaviors and attitude. We can overcome all barriers if we just trust and believe in ourselves. Do not allow anything or anyone ruin our chance to be happy. Only we can determine the course of our life. Take responsibility for it.

Eighth key to happiness: We take responsibility for our own happiness.